Post by foreverinourhearts on Sept 22, 2010 17:12:55 GMT -5
I lost Michael..somewhere, many many years ago, not so much 'lost him' more i kept Michael and my love for him between my own four walls. Has a young teenager those four walls was my bedroom with my michael Jackson collection that family had bought me for presents. That collection grew like everyone else's i imagine into a bedroom of ceiling to floor posters, and magazine cutouts selotaped on every wall. I mean what teenager didn't want to fall asleep next to Michael and wake up with his beautiful smile??
Only those who didn't feel Michael!
The books and magazines i had soon turned into a library of Michael Jackson knowledge, everything from his baby days to his days with The Jackson 5, (The Jacksons) from his charity work to his dreams of a better world.
Only those who wanted to know Michael would ask for those books to be bought to gain that insight!
I will not tell anybody what happened to all that collection that i do not trust in the real world ! Will say that what was done ripped me apart!
Never stopped my love for Michael though because love is inside, you don't have to shout it from the rooftops...although over this past year i am so glad all of you across this net did, you gave me something back of which i wanted you all to know. There is no need if you see what i am saying..... Love is within!
My brother and myself went years afterwards not dare speaking of Michael Jackson, not dare saying his name until we was on our own, dare not buy anything related to Michael. I would look, i would pick up the album, i would admire the clothes with Michael's name then put them back with a deep ache in my heart.
Was it because of having no money?...partly!
It was more because of these words ''I never want to hear of him or see him under my roof again'' Now a teenager who has been brought up to have respect for themselves and others will not go against the person they hold that respect for...
and that includes when you leave 'living under the roof' and moving to your own place with your own four walls!
All moving to my own place did was allow me to freely turn up the radio when Michael Jackson was played, or MTv...I stopped listening to MTv the day i realized that they had stopped playing Michael Jackson. Today i don't pay the subscription for the junk..infact i couldn;t tell you what has been on our tv for years i don't watch it!
When my bro called me about Michael back on 25th June 2009 it had the same devastating effect on my bro, mum and myself that it did with you and the rest of the world...What i had only dreamed of happening suddenly started to happen. You may think i am going crazy with what i am saying to you, you yourself can be the judge.
I went to a Michael tribute August 2009 like thousands across the world, i went for a reason, a personal reason...It was my chance to get back Michael and fight back at my real world, Also the hope was there of meeting other Michael Jackson fans, (nobody could of prepared me for just how many)! I wanted that something back that was taking away from me has that teenager, to fight back at the person who took Michael away from my bro, mum and myself....and believe me in the real world i am doing it constantly with this person, and i smile everytime that person walks out of my front door!
Those media lies about Michael, i didn't read, (What teenager do you know is interested in news)??! .
The tribute was like an olive branch, somebody out there who i still today in the real world hold very close to my heart and my children do gave me that olive branch, in doing so they gave me back something i thought i had lost forever!...I came home from the tribute to a face book inbox of add requests from worldwide complete strangers. Michael Jackson fans who i thought was at the tribute, i mean there was thousands there i knew not one!
I didn't add any at first, There was something i wanted to do on my own, it's like this site, i don't log in much not because i have forgotten about you, i love you all, but more i don't want to stop watching Michael Jackson videos not his music ones i am so used to watching, more the videos of Michael i never knew! The Michael my dad took away from me. The Michael i lost through no fault of my own..! I wanted to get those lost years back and now i have them i never want to let them go!.
A year ago yesterday i started my goggle search I only knew bits from the knowledge i had before 1994 which was when my dad banned Michael from being on my walls, and in his house. He never got my Dangerous LP though! There was only one person knew for himself what my dad had done outside of my family knowing... And that i will keep for now personal to myself! I wanted to know everything about Michael, So used to loving Michael in my own privacy i thought i was alone in this world, (I was told the world hated Michael, peoples reactions made me feel alone because of that lie i grew up to believe has truth )!
I found last year i wasn't ever alone in this world and the world NEVER hated Michael at all, only those who believed in the media lies believed that to be truth, i always believed in Michael !
The more i searched over this past year, the more Michael Jackson sites i found!
The more sites i found and joined, the more fans i started to become connected to!
The more fans i started to let connect to me through the love of Michael we shared, the more i found out about the Michael i had taken away from me...!
The more i found out about the Michael i had taken away from me the more i left my real world life to become apart of each of you across this net!
In doing that i became apart of Michael again over an INTERNET connection 24/7 through YOU!.
Today i don't need to search, today i know exactly what to type into goggle to be close to you all, today i don't need to sit 24/7 on this internet to know that you out there will all still be here tomorrow, and i know where to find you if not. I don;t ever want to lose any of you or the love we share for Michael ever again or my children to lose that love.
Today i don't need to hide in my own four walls with friends just listening to Michael's songs.
I can buy anything Michael Jackson related i want to buy, online and off, nobody whispers nasty comments as they walk past in the streets, nobody gives the evil side glanced looks anymore if i pick something up that has Michael Jackson on it in a shop. Today i can freely love Michael in the UK how i want to show my love for Michael with my children and friends, even those who are not a fan of Michael's don't mind listening to Michael's music when they come round.,,The next generation love Michael as i always did. My children know the person i never got to know! Michael has changed the world..or 'some' of us in the UK, the ones who always believed in Michael!
In doing so i created my HIStory across this net within each and every site i joined. Every blog i wrote IS my story, my story of a MJ Fan growing up surrounded by hate because of media lies! and why i never needed to send anybody my story via private message on face book...Although yesterday, the person i hold very close to my heart out there got my blog that i will never share with anyone else, the blog of what my dad did back in 1994 and how much he hurt me through the lies he believed.
I titled it-
'The lost blog' and sent it to this person as a hugh thank you for giving me that olive branch back on August 29th 2009. I will be forever grateful to that person as i will everyone of you out there!
Over this past year, more this past 4 months when i didn't need to search for the Michael i feel i lost and started to private message people, those strangers i had added months ago to thank them for all they have done, and the love they have shared with me since adding them, More open i become with them and my love for Michael the more i sit here wondering if,... No! the word is 'knowing' that i am one of Michael's lost children... One of many !!!
Just wish i could of told Michael sooner the following, to him - ''Michael i have come home, you got your wish. I love you'' x
I have and always will love you on this net and off. You can hold me to that.
Love you all, each and every one of you out there, for everything you have done to bring me home back to Michael through your L.O.V.E.
x
Ps- My dad through the books i buy online and off i buy for a reason! What he did to me, a fan of Michael's because of those lies he believed, i throw back in his face each time he walks in my frontdoor! The beautiful books about michael the person, michael the legend i buy, i buy those for me and my children to read.
I would love to have 'Michael- in his own words' back!
♥
Only those who didn't feel Michael!
The books and magazines i had soon turned into a library of Michael Jackson knowledge, everything from his baby days to his days with The Jackson 5, (The Jacksons) from his charity work to his dreams of a better world.
Only those who wanted to know Michael would ask for those books to be bought to gain that insight!
I will not tell anybody what happened to all that collection that i do not trust in the real world ! Will say that what was done ripped me apart!
Never stopped my love for Michael though because love is inside, you don't have to shout it from the rooftops...although over this past year i am so glad all of you across this net did, you gave me something back of which i wanted you all to know. There is no need if you see what i am saying..... Love is within!
My brother and myself went years afterwards not dare speaking of Michael Jackson, not dare saying his name until we was on our own, dare not buy anything related to Michael. I would look, i would pick up the album, i would admire the clothes with Michael's name then put them back with a deep ache in my heart.
Was it because of having no money?...partly!
It was more because of these words ''I never want to hear of him or see him under my roof again'' Now a teenager who has been brought up to have respect for themselves and others will not go against the person they hold that respect for...
and that includes when you leave 'living under the roof' and moving to your own place with your own four walls!
All moving to my own place did was allow me to freely turn up the radio when Michael Jackson was played, or MTv...I stopped listening to MTv the day i realized that they had stopped playing Michael Jackson. Today i don't pay the subscription for the junk..infact i couldn;t tell you what has been on our tv for years i don't watch it!
When my bro called me about Michael back on 25th June 2009 it had the same devastating effect on my bro, mum and myself that it did with you and the rest of the world...What i had only dreamed of happening suddenly started to happen. You may think i am going crazy with what i am saying to you, you yourself can be the judge.
I went to a Michael tribute August 2009 like thousands across the world, i went for a reason, a personal reason...It was my chance to get back Michael and fight back at my real world, Also the hope was there of meeting other Michael Jackson fans, (nobody could of prepared me for just how many)! I wanted that something back that was taking away from me has that teenager, to fight back at the person who took Michael away from my bro, mum and myself....and believe me in the real world i am doing it constantly with this person, and i smile everytime that person walks out of my front door!
Those media lies about Michael, i didn't read, (What teenager do you know is interested in news)??! .
The tribute was like an olive branch, somebody out there who i still today in the real world hold very close to my heart and my children do gave me that olive branch, in doing so they gave me back something i thought i had lost forever!...I came home from the tribute to a face book inbox of add requests from worldwide complete strangers. Michael Jackson fans who i thought was at the tribute, i mean there was thousands there i knew not one!
I didn't add any at first, There was something i wanted to do on my own, it's like this site, i don't log in much not because i have forgotten about you, i love you all, but more i don't want to stop watching Michael Jackson videos not his music ones i am so used to watching, more the videos of Michael i never knew! The Michael my dad took away from me. The Michael i lost through no fault of my own..! I wanted to get those lost years back and now i have them i never want to let them go!.
A year ago yesterday i started my goggle search I only knew bits from the knowledge i had before 1994 which was when my dad banned Michael from being on my walls, and in his house. He never got my Dangerous LP though! There was only one person knew for himself what my dad had done outside of my family knowing... And that i will keep for now personal to myself! I wanted to know everything about Michael, So used to loving Michael in my own privacy i thought i was alone in this world, (I was told the world hated Michael, peoples reactions made me feel alone because of that lie i grew up to believe has truth )!
I found last year i wasn't ever alone in this world and the world NEVER hated Michael at all, only those who believed in the media lies believed that to be truth, i always believed in Michael !
The more i searched over this past year, the more Michael Jackson sites i found!
The more sites i found and joined, the more fans i started to become connected to!
The more fans i started to let connect to me through the love of Michael we shared, the more i found out about the Michael i had taken away from me...!
The more i found out about the Michael i had taken away from me the more i left my real world life to become apart of each of you across this net!
In doing that i became apart of Michael again over an INTERNET connection 24/7 through YOU!.
Today i don't need to search, today i know exactly what to type into goggle to be close to you all, today i don't need to sit 24/7 on this internet to know that you out there will all still be here tomorrow, and i know where to find you if not. I don;t ever want to lose any of you or the love we share for Michael ever again or my children to lose that love.
Today i don't need to hide in my own four walls with friends just listening to Michael's songs.
I can buy anything Michael Jackson related i want to buy, online and off, nobody whispers nasty comments as they walk past in the streets, nobody gives the evil side glanced looks anymore if i pick something up that has Michael Jackson on it in a shop. Today i can freely love Michael in the UK how i want to show my love for Michael with my children and friends, even those who are not a fan of Michael's don't mind listening to Michael's music when they come round.,,The next generation love Michael as i always did. My children know the person i never got to know! Michael has changed the world..or 'some' of us in the UK, the ones who always believed in Michael!
In doing so i created my HIStory across this net within each and every site i joined. Every blog i wrote IS my story, my story of a MJ Fan growing up surrounded by hate because of media lies! and why i never needed to send anybody my story via private message on face book...Although yesterday, the person i hold very close to my heart out there got my blog that i will never share with anyone else, the blog of what my dad did back in 1994 and how much he hurt me through the lies he believed.
I titled it-
'The lost blog' and sent it to this person as a hugh thank you for giving me that olive branch back on August 29th 2009. I will be forever grateful to that person as i will everyone of you out there!
Over this past year, more this past 4 months when i didn't need to search for the Michael i feel i lost and started to private message people, those strangers i had added months ago to thank them for all they have done, and the love they have shared with me since adding them, More open i become with them and my love for Michael the more i sit here wondering if,... No! the word is 'knowing' that i am one of Michael's lost children... One of many !!!
Just wish i could of told Michael sooner the following, to him - ''Michael i have come home, you got your wish. I love you'' x
I have and always will love you on this net and off. You can hold me to that.
Love you all, each and every one of you out there, for everything you have done to bring me home back to Michael through your L.O.V.E.
x
Ps- My dad through the books i buy online and off i buy for a reason! What he did to me, a fan of Michael's because of those lies he believed, i throw back in his face each time he walks in my frontdoor! The beautiful books about michael the person, michael the legend i buy, i buy those for me and my children to read.
I would love to have 'Michael- in his own words' back!
♥